The Plutonic Journey, Rising the Phoenix Vulnerable and Empowered her Raw, Core truths Bared to the Cosmos

My theory is that we’re all meant to go through the Plutonian journey and I was responding to someone who felt only certain individuals were meant to and then it spurred this massive realization about Pluto partially in thanks to my beautiful sister who’s heavily Scorpionic and Plutonian

(this will be revised, but as of right now, it is a stream of consciousness)


Everyone goes through that process of having subconscious blockages brought to light. Going through a process of digging through our darkness because what’s there has power over us as long as we don’t face it and own our darkness. That’s just the trial of life. Pluto symbolizes that process, but we all have Pluto’s presence in us somehow

Before I knew a thing about astrology, I was very passionate about transformation myself, facing my darkness, my truths hidden in my consciousness, learning from it so as to reclaim my power. I was also very much aligned with the ‘Phoenix rising from the ashes’ motif. I was very heavily involved with Plutonian themes like destruction, death, going as deep as possible, to the core, the raw core no matter how much it hurt, pain, my shadow. And I’ve always been very obsessive as well, especially with these concepts

But I also had Plutonian issues of control and projecting my feelings of powerlessness onto others

In all honesty, I’m very Plutonian energetically, yet I’m not sure I’d be considered Plutonian astrologically. So I do think we all are meant to go through this process. That’s what growth is all about, we’re not meant for stagnation. We’re all meant to dig through the meat, the rotting necrotic flesh of us and bring it back to life. We’re all meant to experience countless little deaths and destructions so as to recreate ourselves

I do believe that’s what Pluto’s about. That’s why people who don’t do the work are likely to project their feelings of powerlessness out into the world


Before I knew anything about astrology or Pluto, I was very very passionate about and aligned with Plutonian energy. But I still don’t know if my chart would reflect that Plutonianism. So I’m definitely convinced we’re all meant to go through that process

People have even thought I must be a Scorpio rising before. And I’ve been noted as having Plutonian energy, but I’m not sure if people would actually consider me Plutonian looking at my chart

So I wonder why I’d be so heavily Plutonian if it’s not reflected in my tropical chart nor my sidereal chart. Actually, in sidereal, I’m a Scorpio NN, but I still don’t think that accounts for how heavily Plutonian I am energetically. It just raises many questions and I truly do believe we’re meant to all go through this process of delving into the deepest aspects ourselves, destroying what isn’t ours and isn’t real and carrying with us what is real, finding our power in the destruction, our light in the darkness

I think this is an important discussion… Perhaps we’re all meant to explore the themes of every planet regardless of their presence in our charts. And Pluto is such a vital, very very human planet symbolically
This discussion is getting meaty and real, I love it
I truly believe we must all go through this

I only just came to this realization. I’ve been wondering why I’m so Plutonian yet it’s not reflected in my chart…

It’s highly possible that we’re all meant to experience the journeys represented by each planet, but various life circumstances can trigger different planets to become more prominent at various points in life

For instance, I went through a lot of trauma growing up and I was forced to delve into my darkness and use it to find my power because of that

Is Pluto misunderstood? Perhaps so. It’s considered a malefic, but what if the malefics are just some of the most crucial energies to our development? They’re just more likely than other planets, potentially, to become outwardly destructive because they represent such intense processes

Might Pluto be associated with love? Perhaps so. Once we start digging into our subconscious, we feel powerless to all this energy within us. How we handle it is part of our Plutonian journey. If we’re caught up in feelings of powerlessness and trying to find our power, we may not be able to purely love others until we work through these issues. Yet once we do, love may be much more pure and truly intimate as others are no longer a threat to our power

My Scorpio super stellium sister has recently come to many realizations about love and embraced it, as an example. She’s EXTREMELY scorpionic and as a matter of fact, she has an Aries moon so she’s very Martian as well. Yet her journey has led her to embracing love. And not just ordinary love, but this piercing, allencompassing love that strikes through all of humanity. She now preaches to ‘look for the love’ and she believes that what everyone does is ultimately about love and seeking it

Does Pluto rule death? Perhaps it rules our grapplings with the unknown, what we perceive as beyond us and thus more powerful than we are solely because we don’t understand it. But through the harsh journey of coming to terms with death and what it means, we come to understand life. If we follow the path as painful as it may be, we ultimately reach a point where we no longer feel powerless and so we can approach life as vulnerable creatures without defense, without mental, spiritual, emotional, or even physical weapons because we no longer need to. Strength in vulnerability. And in this state where we feel no need to project any latent feelings of powerlessness upon others, and in this state where we no longer perceive possible threats ready to overpower us at any moment, we arise like the Phoenix with all that is not us destroyed, dusted, ashed, and what we are is our core selves. Our core, true, raw selves are able to give and receive true love, not love laced with the shards of these power struggles

And it dawned on me that Pluto’s journey from planet, to dwarf planet, to planet in terms of NASA’s standards is highly symbolic, the proverbial phoenix rising from the ashes. Pluto is small and vulnerable and yet immensely powerful




So perhaps Pluto is about love, or more accurately, vulnerability which allows love to flow purely

The power of words: A world without words — Unpacking our assumptions as to what constitutes a reality


As a first jump into contemplating the power of words, we first must look at the world around us…We see a curtain hanging over a window to keep out the glaring sun, a lamp granting us artificial light in its place, a stack of books we keep in plain sight just to remind us we need to use our aging, failing minds before it’s too late. We see so many disparate objects and we have a name for every single one, and if we don’t, we sit there for a few seconds or perhaps a few minutes or maybe even a whole day contemplating what we’re to do with such a thing that bears no name known to us. We’re bred to so subjugate ourselves to the labels, objects bagged and tagged for the processing in a mechanical, spoonfed life that we feel positively displaced and uprooted if we can’t label what we see in front of us

At first glance, you might ask what’s so horrible about labeling and categorizing our worlds, giving them names and words to identify them. I mean there’s no doubt this process serves its purpose as a survival mechanism. It’s not like we can visit the supermarket and buy the food we need to survive without subjugating ourselves to the realm of strict categorical perception. We’re forced to do with in ordinary, commonplace interactions and errands. But just because they can serve such a purpose doesn’t mean that’s the only purpose they serve

If you observe your deep internal experience, the millisecond you look at anything, any object small or large, any person even, any aspect of our physical reality, you may think what first occurs is you give what you’re seeing a name and a label, a category. But in reality, the experience is something that defies all categories and all labels. All of what you perceive has no words because it exists in the wordless state, a state I started calling ‘prelanguage’ as a teenager because, well, it comes before language mars the truth of what we’re seeing. Language as a survival tool where we’re forced to categorize everything just to keep our head with us in an otherwise incredibly daunting Earth undermines the truth of what we’re experiencing that has no real words, not yet anyway. We can sense them, feel them, experience them in every fibre of bone in our bodies, but we can’t name them or give them even a single word but to say it’s all so transcendental

As a precursor to my foray into the wordless, I remember so vividly as a child looking at an apple one day and wondering whimsically like a typical child, ‘what if this apple really isn’t red’? ‘What if it’s another color altogether or even a color we can’t perceive’? This was an obvious precursor because as I got older, I became incessantly obsessed with understanding  the nature of reality even though a part of me felt it a fruitless cause because the universe may not be for my understanding. Even then, I couldn’t deny my compulsion. As I went down the rabbithole, I began to realize this concept was something much grander…

Going down the timeline from childhood, a question arises: How do babies communicate with each other despite not having yet learned enough language to carry on an identifiable lingual conversation? Is it possible that in combination with emotive expression, the sounds uttered have their own meaning? Is it possible babies are more in touch with this primordial language than the average adult who’s lived their life being given a perfect little box to live within that defines every aspect of reality from a lingual standpoint? I think so

What constitutes reality? What even is reality? As humancentric humans, we tend to assume we can use our common rationality and logic to dissect the universe and understand its wild ways and more, control them and use them for our distorted aims. The further I rose down, the more I realized just how wrong humanity has it now. To suggest we can understand the universe using the logic of our primitive human brains is to suggest the universe itself is also primitive which is quite a mighty assumption. We understand the universe in terms of cause and effect and ‘if ___, then ___’ logic. We understand it in equations and formulas. In reality, these are what compose the fruitless cause. We will never understand a universe that isn’t ours to understand, especially not with our primitive human brains. Because we can’t rationally prove what is and what isn’t, it would seem that anything is possible. And I mean ANYTHING

But does this mean we’re to be lost souls, wandering, shattered, rootless? Of course not! This is a calling to reach our hands out and surrender to something that at first feels so foreign and daunting that once we step foot there, we’ll swear we’ll never return. Yet you hear the voice of you somehow calling you to a curious comfort because it’s here you’ll find the truths. Once the dam breaks all comes flooding toward you threatening to also break the foundations of all you thought was but isn’t, but it’s ok because what’s broken will be resurrected but will have expanded so far that the coming truths no longer feel so daunting

In the realm of the wordless, contradictions are alive and yet they don’t feel like contradictions. Somehow two opposing truths can exist at once and it just makes sense because the false boundaries we create when we categorize the world into strict dimensions as to what they are and all they can be crumble to the finest dust and they’re gone. It’s now you start to understand that what anything in the world is isn’t in a word, it’s in this essence, the energy you perceive without words that feels so infinite because it has no boundaries, no dimensions. I liken this to the painter looking at the world around her she wishes to paint and not seeing a curtain, or a stack of books or sun rays showing shyly through what the curtain fails to eclipse. Everything becomes more fluid. A book isn’t a book. Look at a book and detach yourself from the concept of what a book is which is undeniably filled with hundreds and thousands of assumptions just because it’s labeled a ‘book’. Once you do that, a whole multitude of universes opens up. Things aren’t what you always thought they were

You may start contemplating other languages and the assumptions they have within their categorical interpretation of reality inextricably wrapped around our tendons with language. Language may begin to seem like a box, but it doesn’t have to be. I’m a writer and even though I realize all of this, I still don’t perceive language as a box because instead when I look at words or objects that have names, I don’t see the words and I don’t see the objects with labels, I see the entirety of their unseen world, veins sprawled out and calling me to the heart, the fast beating core where everything exists in a suspended state of wordlessness. Here, our perception of the universe is truly ours and no one else’s

When did Humans start to see the color blue?

About 150 years ago, a British scholar named William Gladstone was studying Homer’s “The Odyssey” and noticed that the poet had some unconventional descriptions of color. For instance, honey was described as green, while iron was called violet. However, no mention of blue existed. Similar investigations into ancient texts of a number of other languages were also missing any mention of the word blue. In fact, the first mention of blue wasn’t found in any language until about 4,500 years ago. Was it possible that they weren’t able to perceive it as we do now?

Psychologist Jules Davidoff traveled to Namibia in order to conduct an experiment with the Himba tribe. Their language has no distinct word for blue, and when asked to choose a blue square among a group of green squares, they had extreme difficulty.

The theory is that the perception of ‘blue’ didn’t even exist until there was a word for it and in fact it was quite possible the sky wasn’t perceived as blue, but a shade of green or perhaps purple

Because color only exists as it is perceived by an individual, it becomes hard to definitively say what our ancestors did or did not see. Were they really colorblind to it entirely? Or did they merely lack the vocabulary to articulate what it was they were seeing? Or did their brain not bother to view blue as distinct from other colors?

I had a thought yesterday, just a wondering as to what would happen if a child was never once told the ‘sky is blue’ or ‘grass is green’ and they were asked to go outside and draw a picture of what they saw around them and color it. Would they necessarily choose a blue crayon for the sky? Is it possible the dimensions we’re told exist, the colors we’re taught things in our external world are can dilute our perception? What is it a child or anyone might see if we strip away everything we’ve been taught is? Is it possible what we’re taught is isn’t even true?

These are some vital questions. Once you start asking them, the universe doesn’t look the same. The boundaries and limitations you once perceived start to melt in the light of new perception. You’re compelled to go to the heart, the truest essence of all that is and what their nature is, the beauty you can only perceive when you’ve detached yourself from all the words, the box that tells you, ‘this is how the world is, nothing more and nothing less’. Because in truth, no one can rationally tell you what is and what isn’t. It’s all in you

Around the time I became obsessed with somehow understanding the nature of all that existed outside my primitive human brain I felt so compelled to search for the secrets of the universe, to understand it, even though a part of me felt it fruitless. I just couldn’t deny my compulsions. I was a little fucked up at the time…Ok, very fucked up. So my traversing into the realm of the hidden, piercing the veil, was mostly about power, power of intellect, power to stomach the grim truths others ran away from. But beyond the megalomania, I did come upon an idea I couldn’t shake: I began to feel that the universe doesn’t have a singular nature, and if it does, we can’t know it, but we all have a ‘key’. All of us, and I do mean all of us, have such a beautifully subjective experience of reality that every single one of us has one of the keys to understanding reality. At the time I admit I had some avarice. I had fantasies of being able to get into peoples’ minds and see what they saw because I KNEW that everyone had such different ways of viewing the world and if they had pieces of the puzzle, I wanted those pieces!

I’m not that way anymore. I just appreciate the beauty of people who dare to delve into the seemingly unknown territories, the voids and the ecstasy, the fires and the healing waters, the ones who dare to let themselves be destroyed so they can rise again something a little more pure, more vibrant more real

Once we detach ourselves from all the labels and assumptions, then we can begin to use words to explore something you will never read about in a linguistics book or a psychology textbook. Enter the realm of symbol and abstract, a world with no bars, a world where you’re only a slave if you choose to be, the realm where words are yours and there are no rules, a world where we reach just a little closer to the roots of our human language

…what exists separate from words that words can aide us in exploring if we let them. There’s an entire universe that exists before we give things form and structure and definition and say what they are because what they are isn’t in a word or even the most eloquent string of them

Consciousness Hijacking, an Energetic Vacuum II

Inertia, energy arrested at first beating and pulsing of the blood, the flesh frozen still and weightless synergetic loss–

So I’ve been thinking about it more and I recognize my current trial is to work through my inertia. And the fact is, as a child I was extremely energetic, almost too energetic. I was so full of life you’d have thought I was life itself, but unfortunately, we are creatures of oppositions. If we possess something, we also possess the opposite trait in equal capacity. I’m a creature of extremes which means when I feel something, I feel it madly and I feel it truly and I feel it feverishly. Whether I possess it or it possesses me becomes blurred. We are one. This can make me seem like a very chaotic person with no grounding and I possibly am, but I don’t think I’m meant to be a peaceful, calm, rooted person. I simply have to learn how to handle my energy, my pain, my destructive tendencies, my depressions, my anxieties, my suicidal thoughts, my doubts…my intense, stasis driving doubts. They paralyze me and I can’t stand inaction, I cannot stand apathy. I become an apathetic person even though below these immense doubts lying on the surface of me, chipping away at my skin, pealing away like an old paint mural…I am the complete opposite of apathetic. The energy within me is like the sun and I can feel it, but I’m unable to express it because of my doubts, my anxieties

I decided I should write out changes I want to start making that I know will lead me in the direction I need to be going in. I suppose in doing so I’m both exploring myself as well as making a pact with myself. I’m expressing what I lack and what I need without the pain of selfhatred for not being this absolute perfect being at 25 and without regrets for how I’ve been in the past as I regret nothing. All ‘mistakes’, we learn from, we remember, we know what we need to know

A friend suggested to me I may be more of a ‘completionist’ than a ‘perfectionist’ and she might be right. There’s something that’s just not allowing me to enjoy the process because I become so focused on the end product when that’s such an absurd inclination since what we create is largely the result of a massive collection of happy accidents. Nothing ever happens as we expect it to and that’s beautiful to me. It truly is. I love that about life. It would be so incredibly boring otherwise and I can’t stand boredom or lack of novelty

Maybe this is a form of grounding for myself. I believe balance is necessary certainly, but in any case…

1. I recall how I was as a child with fondness like it’s something I’ve lost, but I haven’t lost it, it’s simply become eclipsed by my selfdoubts arising from the fact I hold myself to strict standards. I expect immaculate perfection at first draw and it’s just unrealistic. In truth, I have so much zeal for the beauty of experimentation…trying things, going out of my comfort zone. As far as I’m concerned, fuck the comfort zone, it doesn’t exist for me and I have no wish to set foot there

As a child, I didn’t hold myself to such insane standards because I was just in this process of exploring the world without bars, exploring myself, my passions, my love, my fire…I was a very very creative child, and though I had the problem of starting projects without finishing them because my passion was often shortlived and easily diverted to something new and shiny, something novel, I allowed myself to freely explore and I need to open myself to that energy again

I aim to live in allegiance with my passion, my soul, my spirit, my heart, my raw, beating heart, my fire that I so cherish. I will let them lead the way. I will shed all of my selfdoubt and this insane standards I’ve held myself to since I was 11 and will rise anew, flesh burning but not shedding, no longer degraded. I will follow my spirit

Any lessons in sobriety and discipline I’ll learn only after I’m able to break these chains. I won’t happen overnight and I don’t expect it to. It’ll happen gradually, and then seemingly all at once

That’s been my experience in the past…Things that plague me so greatly, I get to a point where they no longer touch me at all, but it does take putting in the emotional work. But I’m not one to shy away from a challenge. I love a good challenge

2. Pain…My philosophy is to face myself unflinchingly and that means being aware of my pain and oh how aware of it I am. Yet still, there’s a part of me that wants to run away, that does run away. I despise that trait, but I know I can change it. I’m learning. A huge lesson for me came after two suicide attempts this year that I was very lucky to survive…I realized I could feel my suicidal thoughts and even delve into them without fully surrendering to them. Part of my philosophy involves surrender, but also power. I seek surrender for the sake of power. It’s through surrendering to my pain I will learn how to explore it without listening to the voices calling me to carry out destructive acts upon myself

That sounds like a nobrainer, but it was a huge revelation to me and really, in the case of something as grave as suicide, it sounds very counterintuitive, but I do believe this to be true

3. Take action. Just take action. Don’t let myself be held closed in this stasis chamber, in this cage when I’m the only one with the key. Just act, just do, just live. Live with my spirit and my heart and they’ll lead the way. Any doubt I have is a tacit admission that I don’t fully trust my own self, but I will come to only by proving to myself I can. So now it’s time to do that

I want to keep it simple. These things are simple, but not easy. They are doable. This is the stage I’m in and I sense that my next stage is just around the corner. Oddly enough, I get the sense that I’m at the end of something and on the edge of something grand, like I’ll be able to use my power to it’s full extent soon. It seems foolish to have such a thought at 25, but there are no rules on this place we call Earth after all

Something odd I notice is that I hold certain philosophies so dearly, yet I don’t live up to them. I don’t think this is a result of being a liar if we’re ever in this predicament, it just means there’s a discrepancy in our ideals and in how we act and the simple solution is to just change it

I just need to go easier on myself, I need to be more gentle with myself

Writing in this blog is a huge test for me as I have this vision of what I want my blog to become and this vision has kept me from starting a blog for so long. I’m a visionary, I have strong vision, that’s who I am, but I have to respect the creative process and learn once again how to love it as I once did

Consciousness Hijacking, an Energetic Vacuum

I constantly wonder why I let my energy be taken advantage of. I’m well aware that there are a myriad forces in our universe that seek to distract, leave us placid and lulled. I’m lucky I’m aware of it, but that doesn’t mean I don’t fall prey. Falling prey can lead to depression, anxiety, and a wide array of various spiritual-mental-emotional ailments. I’ll write about that more. For right now I’m more so trying to journal a bit. I mostly journal in pen as I suppose I’m quite old fashioned, but in any case, just writing things out really helps a lot. Words have power and that power festers away if we don’t use it. Words aren’t the only way to access our power, but words are one of the easiest ways. We can do it any time whether it be on our phones, on a piece of paper, or even just in speaking…Words access the purity of our intention and our truth. They access what we know but may not know we know

Right now, what I know is that I let things distract me constantly. Television shows, twitter, whatever it is, it distracts me. And all it leaves me with is dissatisfaction, guilt, depression, knowledge of all that lays latent but unaccessed, all I could do but just…don’t. It’s shameful, but shame is a worthless feeling in itself. I’m using these feelings to change my life. That’s the purpose of pain, of all these feelings we wish we didn’t have to feel. I have so many ideas, so many dreams, but I don’t actualize them because I let myself become distracted

We’re living in the toughest age there has ever been because distractions are everywhere and make no mistake, they’re attacking us on purpose. They want us to be depressed and hopelessly unaware of why we’re depressed. They want us to masturbate day after day without realizing the spiritual power held in the moment of orgasm, le petite mort, that little death. They want us to be mesmerized and enchanted by movies, shows, and social media so that we don’t think and dually so that whatever messages are being given us by these forms of media are delivered without our awareness and that could be good or bad. Then when we do begin to think, the unfamiliar, foreign pain comes onto us and we shove it away because we’re taught that pain is to be avoided. Anything that demands us to leave our comfortable states of anesthetization is evil. In truth, it’s these forces that desire to distract us  that are evil

What I know is that this is the ONLY thing that holds me back, that stands in deterrence of all I could do. So my challenge is to accept that I have to sacrifice how good it feels, admittedly so, to let myself be numbed. In the back of my mind, I’m always aware of what’s happening and the fact my energy is essentially being sucked away from me and I’m just left depressed and feeling hopeless because all of what I know I’m capable of is unrealized

My word is that I will take actions against this from now on. A year from now, it will no longer plague me. That is my word

I know how much I have to say, riding on the edge of my mind. It’s almost overwhelming in its vastness. My spirit guides are calling me to speak because that is my creative impulse, my gift. My gift is words and I have to use them. I can’t let my gift go unused. None of us can afford that for the sake of all of us collectively

My word is also that I’ll expound upon this. It’ll take time. I want to help people become aware. I have no audience at this point, but that is my hope, that I can help people find their truths and liberate themselves. There is certainly infinitely more to say on this ‘consciousness hijacking’ and the ‘energetic vacuum’